My English teacher handed this hilario sheet of info yesterday. Here’s a copy for you to read!:
THE EUROPEAN COMMISION HAS JUST ANNOUNCED AN AGREEMENT, WHEREBY ENGLISH WILL BE THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF THE EUROPEAN UNION, RATHER THAN GERMAN, WHICH WAS THE OTHER POSSIVILITY.
AS PART OF THE NEGOTIATIONS, THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT CONCEDED THAT ENGLISH SPELLING HAD SOME ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT, AND HAS ACCEPTED A 5-YEAR PHASE-IN PLAN THAT WOULD BE KNOWN AS “EURO-ENGLISH.”
IN THE FIRST YEAR, “S” WILL REPLACE THE SOFT “C”. SERTAINLY THIS WILL MAKE THE SIVIL SERVANTS JUMP FOR JOY. THE HARD “C” WILL BE DROPED IN FAVOUR OF “K”. THIS SHOULD KLEAR UP KONFUSION, AND KEYBOARDS KAN HAVE ONE LESS LETTER. THERE WILL BE GROWING PUBLIK ENTHUSIASM IN THE SEKOND YEAR WHEN THE TROUBLESOME “PH” WILL BE REPLACED WITH “F”. THIS WILL MAKE WORDS LIKE FOTOGRAF 20% SHORTER.
IN THE THIRD YEAR, PUBLIK AKSEPTANSE OF THE NEW SPELLING KAN BE EXPEKTED TO REACH THE STAGE WHERE MORE KOMPLIKATED CHANGES ARE POSSIBLE.
GOVERNMENTS WILL ENKOURAGE THE REMOVAL OF DOUBLE LETTERS, WHICH HAVE ALWAYS BEN A DETERRENT TO AKURATE SPELLING.
ALSO, AL WIL AGRE THAT THE HORIBL MES OF THE SILENT “E” IN THE LANGUAGE IS DISGRESFUL, AND IT SHOULD GO AWAY.
BY THE FOURTH YEAR, PEOPL WIL BE RESERTIV TO STEPS SUCH AS REPLASING “TH” WITH “Z” AND “W” WITH “V”.
DURING SE FIFZ YER, ZE UNESARY “O” KAN BE DROPD FROM VORDS KONTAING “OU”, AND AFTER ZUZ FIFZ YER, VE VIL HAV A REIL SENSIBL RITEN STYL. ZER WIL BE NO MOR TRUBL OR DIFIKULTIS, AND EVRIVIN VIL FIND IT EZI TU UNDERSTAND ECH OZA. ZE DREM OF A UNITED UROP VIL FINALI KUM TRU.
UND EFTER ZE FIFZ YER, VE VIL AL BE SPEKING GERMAN LIK ZEY VUNTED IN ZE FORST PLAS, !!!!!!!!!!!!! xx Peppercorn Swirls
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